Wednesday, May 16, 2007

We miss you already

Yesterday was a beautiful spring day here in mountains. The children were outside riding bikes, and Rodney was out mowing the (much needed) grass. Our cabinets were depleted so I needed to make a quick run to the grocery store.
As always Rodney had to hold back our big boxer Lil Bit (we didn't name her). Lil Bit loved to ride in the car. I would roll down the window and let her stick her head out, Oh that was heaven for her. I even thought before leaving "I won't be in the store long, let her ride she will love it" but I didn't. So I waved goodbye to Rodney and Lil Bit as I pulled out of the driveway. As I was walking through the parking lot after my shopping was done, I looked out at my van and thought, "I wished I would have brought Lil Bit, then I would have her to greet me right now". I loaded up the groceries and headed home. As I rounded the curve I could see the grass was only partially mowed and Rodney was sitting on the front porch. I knew something was wrong. I pulled in, leaving the groceries in the car and ran to the porch. His eyes were blood shot and teary. "What's wrong??!!" I asked. At first he didn't say anything, tears just streamed down his face. Then he said "It's Lil Bit."
"What?....She's dead?........ NO?!" I cried.
He told me the neighbor pulled up while he was mowing and said he thought it was her in the road. Rodney ran down the hill toward the highway and seen her laying there. He broke down. He came back to the house and told the children to go inside and stay until he came back for them.
So the children didn't know yet. I wanted to tell Victoria separately, I knew she would take it the hardest. I pulled her upstairs into my bedroom and broke the news, she just kept saying "No, she's not, not Lil Bit". I hugged her and she sobbed in my arms. When I told Chandler and Maddie, they cried to. Maddie didn't quite understand, but she cried because we were.
Then, Rodney came in and said "Lets go bury her". At first I thought I can't, I can't handle it. But, I wanted to be there to comfort the kids. We picked up the shovel and pick ax and headed toward the hill were Rodney had wrapped and left her body. Rodney dug the hole and we sat there by her wrapped body patting it. When he was done, we said goodbye one last time and left.
I know it's so silly, she was just a dog. But, we loved her so much. I keep saying to myself "why didn't I just let her ride with me, why?"
I never thought it could hurt so bad to lose a pet, but I can't seem to stop crying. I keep waiting for her to come sit beside me. I know we will move on and the hurt will stop, but I just wish that time would hurry up and get here.


Lundie said...

Oh hon. I am so, so terribly sorry. Boxers are family. I wish I could make it all better for you. I will be praying for you and your family.

Lessa said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry. This happened to me when I was a little girl and it was terrible. Dusty was also just like a part of our family. We'll be thinking about you and the kids....

Kristi said...

I'm so sorry, Christina. I've been there before, too! It is a sad time. I'll be praying for your comfort.

SingForHim said...

So Sorry! I went through this a few months ago, Christina, and it is amazing how much space in your heart a dog can occupy.

I know it is hard, but you can't blame yourself. I'll be praying for you guys.

Grafted Branch said...

I happened on your blog from an old comment you left on mine. I'm soooooo sorry for you.

But, try not to entertain the idea, "if only" only heightens the anxiety unnecessarily. I know. Mine was a pretty big "what if" when I backed over my own cat last summer.

I'll let you read it if you want to:

It felt surreal for about a week. I felt silly, knowing a cat is a cat and all that, but it felt sad and surreal nonetheless.

Again, sorry. And for the children. *sigh* That's the hardest part. :(

Cat said...

I'm so sorry Christina. They are not *just* pets. They are much more than that. They are friends, companions, an important part of your family. It's not silly at all to mourn the loss of an animal.

Many hugs to you and your family.

Lene said...

Oh I am so sorry to hear this!! Losing a beloved pet is so hard!

Lene said...

Oh I am so sorry to hear this!! Losing a beloved pet is so hard!

SingForHim said...

Hey, Christina. I'm not sure if you're still online, but if you want to do 8 Juicy Facts About Me I'm tagging you.